Always Loved
by Mimori Taniyama
Summary: Okay so I know that the title doesn't exactly fit the story, but hey it was the only thing I could think of. So this one shot is based on an idea I had months ago, it's about how Mai is feeling after Naru left. What she doesn't know is that Naru has come back to Japan. Wonder what will happen? Well you will have to read to find out. May become a full on story. Rated T for language


**Hello everyone! I'm going back over my work and fixing grammar and spelling errors to the best of my ability. No I have not given up on my other stories, but I need a small break to think of new ideas. I'm stuck on a couple of things on a couple of stories. Plus with going back over my work I will be adding a few new things to the story or one shot. I have had many people pm me saying my stories were good and did not need revising and that I should focus on continuing my stories. All I have to say is I do not think that my stories or one shots will ever be to my satisfactory. I hope you enjoy this edited version of my original Always Loved. Don't worry I didn't change much in the story. **

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><p>Sitting at my desk I stared out the window watching as the rain fell in a small tattoo. I was trying to think of what I should record in my diary. Yeah I kept a diary not only was it good for recording my history for my descendants, but it also a way I could vent without taking it out on someone else. Work was slow, for some reason not many people come into SPR anymore or at least since Naru left… That's it I know what to write now.<p>

**Sometimes my heart**

**Feels all alone**

**When you are gone**

**Opening my diary to the next entry I began to write. At first my writing was slow because I wasn't sure where to start then the words just seemed to flow from me. I wrote everything that I was feeling, all of my hurt, all of my anger, and all of my worries. I recorded everything after he had left. This is what it said: **

Dear Diary,

It's been two years this very day…Naru left us he left us with little warning. How about no warning at all. One day we were all happy then the next he tells us he's leaving in two days two freaking days! I wouldn't be as mad as I am now if he had given us more than two freaking days warning.

Two years ago we were on our way home from a case and happened to stumble upon a lake. More like Monk had gotten lost after arguing with Ayako. I swear those two acted like an old married couple, they still do by the way. Apparently this was the same lake that Naru's twin brother, Eugene, was dumped in after he had been hit by a car. Yeah I know I was shocked too at finding out he had a twin. At this lake we not only found out that Naru had a twin, but that he was not Kazuya Shibuya like we thought him to be. In fact Kazuya Shibuya was just a cover up name, he was in reality the famous paranormal researcher Oliver Davis.

After I found this out I instantly felt betrayed, the man I thought I knew was nothing, but a cover up. All I could think of the entire time everyone was asking him questions were: _Did we matter at all? Were we just a convenience that helped even more? Did he not care for us? Did I mean nothing to you? __It didn't seem as if anyone else was upset at the fact that he lied to us this whole time. It was as if it was only a big deal to me. I didn't understand why they acted that way then and to this very day I still don't understand it. I was hurt then and still am. Why am I the only one to think this is a big deal?_

Even though his name was a lie his personality wasn't. I found this out shortly after his identity was revealed to us. Not only did I find out that his personality was the same, but the man I had been seeing in my dreams wasn't Naru. It was Gene, his brother, and finding this out made me disappointed that it wasn't Naru. Not that he would ever care.

Before we left the lake I got enough courage to tell Naru that I loved him. After I was able to finally tell him that, he turned to me and said, "Me or Gene? I'm not too sure that it is me that you truly love. I'm going to be going back to England so this is more than likely the last time I will see you. Good-bye, Taniyama-san." It hurt! I didn't see Naru leave and that was not because I was stupid or anything it was because I was too confused. It took me a bit then it hit me and it hit hard. I could handle being directly rejected, but to be rejected like that... it hurt so deeply that I can't describe what it was like. It hurts! Feels like a knife being stabbed in my chest repeatedly. Just the thought of him thinking that I was using him for a substitute makes me furious and it hurts me too.

I love **_him_**, not his brother or anyone else. It was always him and still is. Even though it has been two years since I've seen him, I still love him. No matter how many days pass my feelings won't change and I don't wish they would, all I wish for is that Naru will realize that I love him. I bet you're wondering why just haven't moved on, but trust me when I say that I tried and no matter what I do I can't give up on him.

I have not changed these past two years; I still have nightmares about the past. Madoka and Lin are trying to their best to help me out with controlling my abilities. I'm able to control and remember my dreams more now than I could in the past, though every once in a while they go haywire when I remember Naru or when I see Gene in my dreams. The only reason they go haywire when I see Gene is because he reminds me of Naru.

After Naru left Madoka took over SPR saying it would be a complete waste to close such a good company full of excellent workers. It was odd at first having a different boss. I had to learn how she liked everything done and even though Madoka is running SPR, it feels as if it's been closed for years and will never be opened again.

You know I never realized how lonely I was until I met everyone. Now that loneliness is creeping back. Ayako, Masako, John, Bou-san, and Yasu hardly ever come to the office anymore. I'm afraid that if I don't do something fast, I'll be left alone again... and I don't want that to happen. I guess afraid is the wrong wording. I'm terrified is a more accurate response.

-Mai-

**I'm telling you**

**Sometimes my heart**

**Still dreams of you**

**Do you feel it too?**

I woke up with a start once more that night. I couldn't sleep, just like the night before and the night before that. Every time I closed my eyes I would see **_her_**. It seemed that leaving Japan was maybe the biggest mistake I had ever made for all I could do anymore was think of her and only her. She filled my thoughts, my dreams, and my heart. And it hurt that she was not with me or more accurately I was not with her. I often caught myself wondering if she was all right or not. It came to a point that I finally decided to end the pain and just go back. Picking up the phone I dialed an all to familiar number and waited for the call to be answered.

"Hello?" a happily annoying voice chirped.

"Madoka, it's me Noll."

"Noll!? Is something the matter? I know you realize what time it is over there."

"I do realize what time it is. I called because I have something I want to say."

"What can I do for you?"

"In the morning I'm planning on telling my parents that I'm going back to Japan to run SPR once more."

"What? Why all of a sudden? Is it because of Mai?"

"The cases in Japan are more interesting than the ones in England."

I didn't want Madoka knowing that, yes the reason I was going back to Japan was because of Mai.

"Bullshit. You are coming back because of Mai."

"Believe whatever you want to believe, but could you do me a favor before I hang up? Please don't tell Mai that I'm coming back. You can tell the others if you would like, but not Mai."

"Why?"

"I have my reasons. I'll leave shortly after I tell my parents. Have Lin pick me up around three o'clock tomorrow."

"All right, I'll do as you have requested."

"Thank you."

**Sometimes my heart**

**Feels all alone **

**When you are gone**

"Lin, Noll's coming back to Japan."

"What?! Why? Does his parents know? When?"

"He's coming back tomorrow shortly after he tells his parents and he wants you to pick him up around three o'clock. Oh and we can't tell Mai."

"Why?"

"I don't know. He wouldn't say."

"What about the others."

"We can tell them, Noll only said that Mai couldn't know."

"Okay."

**I'm telling you**

**Sometimes my heart**

**Still dreams of you**

**Do you feel it too?**

I stood in front of Madoka's office door, hoping she wasn't in. For some reason Lin wasn't in his office. I had finally made up my mind on what I was going to do. I was going to quit SPR before my heart could be broken once again. I had a letter of resignation in my pocket, and all I had to do was get it on Madoka's desk, grab my things, and leave without getting caught. I was so deep in thought that I didn't realize that the door had opened until Madoka spoke up.

"Mai! You're early, that's good because I need you to watch the office for me. Lin won't be in until around three-thirty and I have to leave, but I will be back around three. Well bye."

I watched as she dashed out the door, leaving me behind without a clue as to why she left me there alone. It hurt, it was if I didn't matter anymore. Leaving the note on her desk I gather my stuff. Taking one more look around the office, everything seemed so foreign to me; I left locking the door behind me.

**Second Track**

**I'm back in business**

I was shocked to see Mai at the office so early, but I was glad because that made my job of getting her to the office before three that much more easier. I guess her intuition is getting better.

Everyone was shocked when I told them that Noll was coming back and they asked how Mai was taking the news. They weren't as shocked when I told them that she didn't know and that Noll didn't want her to know. For some reason they understood which was good cause I didn't. When we arrived at the office I noticed that the lights were off and the door was locked which was odd since Mai was here.

"I thought you said that Mai was at the office." Monk stated.

"She was when I left."

We entered the building to find her desk was completely empty, it was cleared of all her things. I noticed the door to my office was open and that made me worried since I know I closed it when I left. Walking into the room I didn't notice anything unusual except for a note on my desk. I read the note and walked out to the group that waited for me.

"Mai quit."

**Showtime**

I was back in Japan and it felt strange, but I couldn't wait to see Mai again. The only thing I could think of on the plane was that I hoped that she would forgive me. I also hoped that she could learn to love me, like she does Gene.

"Naru."

"Lin, it's good to see you again."

"Like wise. Ready to go? Madoka should have everyone at the office by now."

"Okay."

Before we left the airport my cell phone rang. Looking at it I saw that it as Madoka. Telling Lin who it was I stopped and answered it. Before I could greet her she spoke in a rush.

"Mai quit! And I have know idea why or where she is. We checked her apartment, called her friends, called her, and even looked at the places where she goes when she is upset. We can't find her!"

"Calm down. She has to be somewhere. Lin and I will drive around and see if we can find her."

I may have sounded calm on the phone, but on the inside I was frantic. Telling Lin what happened we set off to find her.

**Noll.**

**Gene?**

**I know where Mai is.**

**What?! Where?**

**The lake. The same one you found me in, in the exact spot you rejected her.**

**Thanks.**

**Noll.**

**What?**

**You are an idiot.**

**Might I ask as to why I am an idiot?**

**Because you think that Mai is in love with me. Whenever I helped her out in her dreams she thought I was you. Now go and apologize to her and tell her how you feel.**

With that he cut the connection. It made me irritated that he called me an idiot when I'm a super smart genius. But I was relieved to know where Mai was.

"Lin, go to the where we found my brother."

"Why? Do you think Mai is there? If she is what possible reason would she have to be there?"

"Please, just trust me on this."

"Very well."

**Sometimes my heart**

**Feels all alone**

**When you are gone**

I was sitting on the cliff where I had told Naru that I loved him. I was there for about twenty minutes when it started to rain, but I didn't care, the ground under me could have given away and I still wouldn't have cared. I didn't mind that I was getting wet; it felt as if the sky was as sad as I felt. I also didn't care if I caught a cold, I mean why would it matter after all I ruined my life. No one needed me. I was useless.

I was a fool in so many ways. I was foolish to think that he loved me. I was foolish to believe that SPR could be my new family. I was foolish to ever to wish to be loved once more in my life. I was in the middle of berating myself when I thought I heard footsteps running in my direction. I told myself not to get my hopes up, it was probably an animal that got spooked, so I didn't bother turning around until I heard _his_ voice.

"Mai!"

I turned around and there _he_ stood dressed in all black with his black hair stuck to his face. He looked as if he had just run a marathon. He was breathing heavy and slightly hunched over. Though what struck me the most were his eyes, they were a brilliant blue and they were full of worry.

"Naru? What are you doing here?"

"Everyone is looking for you and what do you mean what am I doing here. What are you doing here?"

"Thinking, I guess."

"You guess? What are you thinking of?"

"Of how foolish I was. Of how I ruined my life by wishing to be loved, by ever thinking that someone would care for me once more. That I was so stupid in thinking that someday that there would be someone who would miss me if I ever went missing."

"Mai, you truly are an idiot. There is nothing wrong by wishing or thinking or hoping to be loved. Please, come back with me to SPR before you catch a cold. Besides everyone is worried about you, and everyone believes that SPR won't be the same without you."

"What are you saying? Of course it wont be the same, you wont have to keep saving me."

"I came back to Japan to manage SPR. I don't care if I have to always save. When I save you it makes me feel as if I can do something for you. Please, it wont be the same with you gone. I don't want you to leave and forget us. Besides I... I have something to tell you."

When I heard that last part I turned around fully to stare at. I was debating on whether or not I wanted to go back with him and hear what he had to say. But I never got the chance to decide on what to do. All I heard was a loud cracking sound and I saw Naru's face show fear while he ran towards me. After that nothing...

**I'm telling you**

**Sometimes my heart**

**Still dreams of you**

**Do you feel it too?**

My eyes felt heavy, my mouth felt as if it was stuffed full of cotton, and my throat felt all scratchy. I slowly peeled open my eyes only to shut them against the blinding light. I remembered the dream I had and couldn't believe how much that I missed Naru. There is no way that he would ever be here, it just couldn't happen. What reason would he have for coming back? But it felt so real...

Turning to my right I was met with a surprise. There sleeping in a chair next to me was none other than Naru. _I must still be dreaming._ Sitting up I looked around and realized that I was in a hospital. If I was in a hospital then surely it was real.

_Ah hell I'm in a hospital. Damn it. Wonder what happened?_

"Mai?"

I looked over to Naru and saw him starting to wake up. Once he was awake he looked at me and blinked a couple of times before he was up and out of his chair pulling me into a tight embrace. He didn't let me go for quite sometime, it felt as though he was thinking that if he let go of me I would disappear.

"Mai, thank goodness you're awake. We were all getting worried that you wouldn't wake up ever again."

"W-water?"

I didn't know what else to say other than to ask for something that would help with my scratchy throat. He looked at me funny before he realized that my throat was dry. He handed me a glass from the side of the bed on one of the nightstands, watching me carefully.

While I was drinking the water I wondered if I had dreamed the whole thing of Naru leaving up or if that I was still dreaming myself. I couldn't tell and it was frustrating. If I had dreamed that he left does that mean it was my abilities warning me of what was to come and that I should distance myself so that I don't end up that way or what? I'm so confused. I no longer knew what was reality or dream anymore.

When I was finished with the water Naru took the glass from me and sat next to me on the bed. He just stared at me as if he couldn't believe that I was there and to be honest I couldn't believe I was here. Having him next to me kind of reminded me that if everyone left me I would feel empty inside, as if it didn't matter if I were to disappear.

"What were you thinking?"

"Huh? What do you mean? Can you tell me what happened yesterday that landed me in the hospital?"

"You mean what happened a month ago? Mai, you've been in a coma for thirty-one days. Don't you remember what all went on?"

So it wasn't a dream. None of it was, it all really happened. That brings so many questions to mind. The most important being: _Why are you here?_

"No, all I remember is talking to you, then nothing."

"The ground crumbled from underneath you and you fell into the lake. Mai you nearly drowned."

"Oh well I'm sorry."

"No, Mai, I'm sorry. I should not have said the things that I did. I love you and have for some time now. I was scared at the fact that you could have been in love with my brother, but was using me as a substitute."

"I don't love Gene, I love you. I didn't even know that he existed."

"Will you com back to SPR?"

"As long as you are going to be there."

He smiled at my response before he pulled me into a heart-stopping kiss. With that confession and kiss we started something new, a relationship. Wonder how things will go now.

**Sometimes my heart**

**Still dreams of you**

**Do you feel it too?**

Dear Diary,

Today is the anniversary of when Naru and I got together as a couple. It's been three years since the accident that brought us together. We've been through a lot, but have been there for each other and will continue to be there for each other, forever.

Friday, August 13th

-Mai-

"Hey, Mai?"

"Yes, Naru?"

"Will you marry me?"

"YES! A thousand times yes!"

"I love you Mai."

"Love you too, Oliver."

Remember that you are always loved and no matter how bad you feel or how lonely you are there is always someone out there that loves you whether you see them or not.


End file.
